Single Ply

 It is my declaration that any nation which allows it's citizens the indignity of suffering through single ply toilet paper should be immediately sanctioned, invaded, and subsequently toppled. All infrastructure must then be immediately eradicated. The entirety of it's government (including any and all forms of legislators and enforcers) must be brought up on war crimes and put to death.  The same judgment goes for any corporations that will allow it's employees to endure single ply paper in it's bathrooms. These self serving and exploitative corporations should be subject to hostile takeover. Not only must all of the controlling interest in the company be taken, but it must be done in a manner that ensures all of it's board members and supervisors are left in permanent financial ruin for generations to come. Finally the companies that actually produce this heinous and atrocious product shall be sent to Guantanamo for a few hundred rounds of special advanced interrogation techniques developed throughout medieval times... These interrogations will continue until it is revealed who or what race of alien sadist have put them up to the destruction of joy across our planet. That is all.